Dear Hollywood… If Things Don’t Change, I’m Breaking Up With You…

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Dear Hollywood,

You and I have come a long way together.  We’ve had our good moments that were filled with laughter, sadness, romance and miracles, but we’ve also had our bad moments due to bad CGI, terrible dialogue and horrendous acting or directing.  I always try my best to overlook your shortcomings though, because in the end you don’t belong to just me.  It’s fine, I’ll share you…  However, I need to make one thing clear if you’re not going to be monogamous, you need to change.

You see, it’s come to my attention that you’re a bit of a chauvinistic bastard.  You’re a womanizer that reinforces the ideal that women are inferior to men, that only skinny women are “pretty”, that in order for a woman to be worth anything she needs to be meek and submissive…  I realized that if a woman is not one of those brainless bimbos that keeps her mouth shut and exercise for eight hours a day, you usually turn her into a villain or a clown.  Is this intentional?

Now I know you’re going to say that you love strong women and then you’ll probably give me a few examples to try and convince me that I’m wrong, but Hollywood, we both know that you’re lying and that you’re only trying to persuade the others that you’re not prejudice due to what we have between our legs.  You see, I’m not talking about the women dressing up as superheroes or science fiction characters who helps you come across as being a gentleman.  I’m not talking about the fearless warriors in fantasy films and war movies.  I’m talking about your run-of-the-mill, ordinary gals who aren’t into all of that kinky stuff.  I’m talking about strong females in the modern world who sticks it to the man in the best way possible… by being intelligent, beautiful, strong and independent.

Hollywood, you know I’m not a feminist.  You know I’m an equalist through and through, but you’ve been a real jerk lately.  I watch the stuff on TV and realize that you don’t have any empowering female shows that young girls will be able to draw inspiration from.  You turn your supposedly strong females into feeble characters eventually, because you’re unable to get the right balance between the elements we’ve discussed earlier (intelligence, beauty, independence and so on) and that feminine quality we both love so much.  I mean, even your female vampires are obsessed with their male counterparts’ opinion.  You broadcast shows that make it seem cool to get pregnant at 16.  You broadcast shows that glorifies teenagers taking their parents for granted by wasting money for no reason whatsoever.  You indoctrinate your hidden agenda into toddlers with that ghastly show called Toddlers & Tiaras, telling little girls that they need to look a certain way to be perceived as being beautiful and giving little boys a reason to be judgmental towards girls when they don’t fit the bill.

You make women like me feel inadequate, because I will never be a size zero even if I went to a plastic surgeon and told them to get rid of all of my fat, shape my hips, reduce my breast size and hack off all of my limbs.  You make me feel inadequate, because I can’t afford Gucci, Chanel, Jimmy Choo’s and all of those other name brands you hold in such high regard.  You make me feel inadequate, because I am intelligent and beautiful and due to this you believe I’ll scare off any suitor that comes my way.

Is this intentional?

Are you, my dearest Hollywood, trying to make me feel like I’m imperfect just so that I can shut up and be the perfect little woman for a man who is more in love with his bank account than me?  If so, I’m truly sorry to tell you that you failed in trying to brainwash me.

Veronica MarsBut Hollywood, I know it’s not always been this way and I know you can do better.  Remember Veronica Mars?  Remember how we used to enjoy watching our favourite little detective run around Neptune trying to catch bad guys?  Remember how she always had those witty comebacks and how she never took nonsense from a guy?  Sure, she had her girly moments where she gave a guy far too many chances, but you always made up for it in making her sarcastic and she always got to give the 1% a taste of their own medicine.  Once upon a time, Hollywood, you and I saw eye-to-eye on these matters.  However, for some reason you disliked Veronica Mars so much that you intentionally got her cancelled and it was left to the fans to try and get a movie made.

THE FANS NEEDED TO RAISE FUNDS TO MAKE THIS MOVIE HAPPEN, HOLLYWOOD!  WHERE WERE YOU?

Hollywood, I regret to tell you that I really don’t like how things are going between us.  I’ve already given you the freedom to flirt around with other people, I’ve given you opportunities to fix things time and time again, but you continue to hurt me with your backwards thinking.

What I really don’t understand is why you’d think I’d want to see a Kardashian give birth or why you’d think I’d find it entertaining to watch you humiliate obese people who are trying to lose weight?  I really don’t understand why you’d think I’d be interested in watching orange people get drunk and have sex the whole time.  Frankly, I have no idea what’s going through your head these days.  You’ve been milking a dried up cow in many cases (yeah, we’re all tired of CSI by now, it’s time to end it).

If things don’t change, I’m breaking up with you Hollywood.  I’m dead serious.  I don’t need you anymore and I am more than happy to spend my time reading a good book instead of watching you make a fool out of yourself.  So get your shit together or you’ll lose me, and there’s no turning back from that.

Love,

Monique Snyman


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